How to Have an Ideal Family

The Little Heaven on Earth - Home and Family

In his excellent book: “Makers of the Home,” Arthur Spalding says: “Upon parents, --lies a responsibility greater than that which rests upon the rulers of nations, the leaders of the church, or the public teachers of the youth. The man and the woman who unite their lives for the making of a new home assume the most tremendous obligations. They have not only, like rulers, to use life, or, like teachers, to shape life; they have to institute life, and to launch it upon its career of time and eternity. But for them there would be no souls to lose or to save; no doing of deeds great or mean; no experiences of happiness or of misery; no judgment to be met or reward to be received. Parents are the primary power in human life and society. They determine whether life is to be, and if it is, how it shall be directed. They are the arbiters of fate.” (page 17)

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Then he adds, pointedly: “If Christianity is to win, it must not fall to create Christian homes!” (Ibid.)

Spalding’s sobering words strike the key-note for this “post”. His convictions are reinforced by the united testimony of Scripture, and by the whole history of civilized man. For Christian people, the key-importance of the home is indisputable. It is buttressed by an unassailable logic. Its value is self-evident. It is not something to be argued for, but something to be argued from.

Yet the home is under constant threat, and never more so than today. Disguised and open attacks in the popular media demonstrate this. Alarming divorce statistics highlight the home’s mortal peril. Accordingly, Christian parents, youth, and children need to be fortified with a comprehensive, first-hand knowledge of what the Bible teaches concerning the origin, the sacredness, and the preservation of the Christian home.

We will review the Bible’s teaching on marriage under five headings:

I. God’s Ideal – An Indissoluble Union

The total and permanent unity of husband and wife in marriage is implied in the Divine pronouncement: “They shall be one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). Two sovereign requirements for Christian marriage are projected here:

         1. Marriage to one person only (Monogamy)

         2. Marriage for life (Indissolubility)

These two elements are not optional, or relative. They are mandatory and absolute. Within this framework of total and permanent union, no married Christian can relate to any person other than his/her covenanted sex-partner at any time, nor with private reservations as to length of time. In Christian terms, life has no more sacred or binding covenant than the marriage vow. There is absolutely no room for flippancy or irresponsibility in this matter.

But the Bible doctrine of the sanctity of marriage goes beyond a Divine mandate. It also presents a Divine example. With its roots planted firmly in the Genesis record, the New Testament makes marriage as indissoluble, on the one hand, and as monogamous on the other-as the sacramental union between Christ and His beloved Bride – the Church(Ephesians 5:25-32)

What higher dignity could be given to the marriage union than this? What loftier sanctions could be attached to it? What more powerful safeguards could be thrown around it?

II. The Husband – King and Priest

“Husbands, love your wives,” is the first Divine requirement for the male partner in marriage.

“Love,” in Biblical terms, is not a fleeting impulse; or a gush of sentiment, - it is a steady regulating principle. Love is not  passive. It is active, out-going, sharing and ministering – not grasping, demanding, self-seeking, or self-serving. It delights to give. It delights to serve. One perceptive writer defines “Love” as “fullness of response.” Another describes it as : “a steady direction of the will towards another’s lasting good.” And when Paul passes “love” through the prism of his inspired intellect, it emerges as: “Love is patient, very kind. Love knows no jealousy; love makes no parade, gives itself no airs, is never rude, never selfish, never irritated, never resentful; love is never glad when others go wrong, love is gladdened by goodness, always slow to expose, always eager to believe the best, always hopeful, always patient. Love never disappears!” (1 Corinthians 13:4-8, Moffat’s translation).

What implications does this have for Christian husbands? What demands does it make? What challenges does it bring? What pattern of conduct does it require?

Clearly, the overbearing, domineering, self-serving tendencies will be subdued in the Christian husband, and the out-going graces of courtesy, tenderness, patience and tolerance – even reverence for his wife – will be cultivated.

His approach will not be, “What can I get But, “what can I give?” Not, “What is the most I can extract? But “What is the most I can contribute?”

Then the Christian “husband” will be a true “house-band” – binding, unifying, bracing, protecting the home partnership. Then, indeed, he will be what God intended him to be – the King and Priest of the home!

He will not wait for his wife to take the initiative in exemplifying the Christian graces. He will play the “lead-part.” He will strike the key-note. As Husband – he will take the initiative in loving and serving; in helping and trusting. As King – he will take the initiative in protecting, defending, and providing. As Priest – he will take the initiative in peace-making; forgiving, reconciling – healing tensions and misunderstandings when the unity of the home is threatened. As Priest – he will take the initiative in lifting his wife and family up to God!

“As Christ loved…” – this is the manner in which he is to play the “lead-part!”

III. The Wife – Queen and Teacher

A sage, with deep insight, has compared the wife, in relation to her husband, to the bowstring of the archer’s long-bow. “She bends him,” said the sage, “yet she obeys him!”

Just as the husband must master the delicate balance between the sterner qualities of leadership, and the gentler qualities of husband and father; so the wife must master the equality – delicate balance between co-operative submission, on the one hand, and lawful individuality and initiative on the other.

How is this done? In the same manner, and by the same means, as her husband learns and performs his dual role as King and Priest. By first opening her heart to the indwelling of God’s love, as a controlling, masterful force. The ultimate secret of married happiness is that both husband and wife shall habitually consent – in motive, thought, word, and action – to be God-governed, or – as the Bible puts it – “brought captive to the obedience of Christ.” (2 Corinthians 10:5).

As God’s representative, the wife and mother will then take the initiative in encouraging her children to become “God-governed” personalities, also. A story from Dr. Frank Boreham illustrates the imaginative persistence of one faithful mother in attempting to lead her children to God. “A mother in my congregation,” writes Dr. Boreham, “assured me the other day that she had been greatly assisted in the training of her children by forming the habit of talking to them in their sleep. ‘I go round,’ she told me, ‘from cot to cot. I bend over them and suggest to them the holiest, sweetest and most beautiful thoughts I can collect. If they are sleeping soundly, I speak softly. If they are sleeping lightly, I whisper faintly. I tell them that I know they will grow up to be pure and good and unselfish, to follow the Christ, serve their fellows, and love God above all. And when I gather them around my knee, I fancy that, when I approach such themes, their minds seem prepared to welcome the thought. It is as though a something already implanted in their hearts springs up to welcome the idea that I then openly suggest to them.’”

Someone who heard this story commented: “All hell could not tear children away from a mother like that!”

IV. Children – Jewels of the Home

A wealthy Roman matron, asked by a visitor to display her famous collection of jewels, called her children to her side. “These are my Jewels,” she said, proudly.

A modern writer, with the same perspective, wrote this prayer, “Oh, heavenly Father, make a better parent. Help me to understand my children, to listen patiently to what they have to say and to answer all questions kindly. Keep me from interrupting them, talking back to them and contradicting them. Make me as courteous to them as I would have them be to me. Give me the courage to confess my sins against my children and ask them for forgiveness, when I know that I have done wrong.

“May I not vainly hurt the feelings of my children. Forbid that I should laugh at their mistakes, or resort to shame and ridicules as punishment. Let me not temp a child to lie and steal. So guide me hour by hour that I may demonstrate by all I say and do that honestly produces happiness.

“Reduce, I pray, the meanness in me. May I cease to nag; and when I am out of sorts, help me Oh Lord, to hold my tongue. Blind me to the little errors of my children and help me to see the good things that they do. Give me a ready word of honest praise.

“Help me to treat my children as those of their own age, but let me not exact of them the judgments and conventions of adults, allow me not to rob them of the opportunity to wait upon themselves, to think, to choose and to make their own decisions.

“Forbid that I should ever punish them for my selfish satisfaction. May I grant them all their wishes that are reasonable and have the courage always to withhold a privilege which I know will do them harm.

“Make me so fair and just, so considerate and companionable to my children that they will have genuine esteem for me. Fit me to be loved and imitated by children.” – Gary C. Myers.

What immeasurable loss would come to the world, if parents like this were to disappear. What immeasurable gain, if such parents were to multiply!

V. The Family Altar – Rudder of the Home

Just as the rudder of a sea-going vessel determines the ship’s direction, and helps to ensure its safe arrival, so the practice of regular family worship helps to establish and preserve the goals, values, and priorities of the Christian family.

One perceptive Christian author has described the family altar as “the little church of the home.” Her words are worth noting: “In all that pertains to the success of God’s work the very first victories are to be won in the home life… Parents, during the week live as the sight of a holy God, who has given you your children to train for Him. Train for Him the little Church in your home, that on the Sabbath all may be prepared to worship in the Lord’s sanctuary.”(Testimonies for the Church, Vol. 6, p. 354)

Abraham believed this, and established his home-altar wherever he pitched his tent.

Joseph’s parents did likewise, and he was kept for God amid the corruption of Egypt.

Daniel’s parents did likewise, and he was kept for God in idolatrous Babylon.

Jesus’ parents did likewise, and he was kept for God in wicked Nazareth.

Timothy’s mother and grandmother did likewise, and he, too, was kept for God amid the moral pollution of Roman society.

Conclusion

One of Elijah’s first tasks on Mount Carmel was to “repair the altar of the Lord,” which lay in ruins. This was the signal for a sweeping reformation throughout the land of Israel.(1 Kings 18:30-32)

What about the “altar of the Lord” in your home? Has it fallen into disrepair? Will you be an Elijah for God and repair the altar today?